I hate those blindside-you-Mommy-Moments. The ones that sneak up on you and make your heart hurt and the tears flow. When you catch your breath and squeeze your eyes tight and wish time didn't fly by so damn fast.
I had one of those moments tonight.
Today is my Nanny's birthday. She would have been 69. She lost her battle to breast cancer 2.5 years ago and I miss her terribly. Tonight while I was putting Kaleigh to bed and she was saying her prayers, she told God to tell Nanny *Happy Birthday*. I was listening to her and watching her and wishing Nanny could see the beautiful and sweet (and so smart) little girl she is today. I wish Kaleigh could grow up with Nanny in her life like I did. Nanny loved her family so so much and always put them first. She was always there for us anytime and for anything. Kaleigh's life would be so richer to have Nanny in it. Now before I go off on that tangent about Nanny and cry some more I'll get back to my Mommy Moment.
Normally after Kaleigh says her prayer I'll tuck her in, turn on her CD player, turn off the light, kiss her good night, and leave the room while she goes to sleep. Tonight I was in the mood to lie with her until she fell asleep. I rubbed her back and sang to her as she dozed. There are 4 different songs that I used to sing to her at bedtime when she was a baby. As I sang them tonight I had flashbacks to when she was a baby and you moms know what that's like. It hurts. And I laid there with her and cried.
Don't get me wrong... I love the little girl she is today. She's sweet and beautiful and smart and creative and her mind amazes me all the time. I love the girl time we have... crafting, shopping, talking, singing. Each year does get better but why does it have to go so fast? Why in one moment am I rocking my baby to sleep and the next I'm dropping her off at school, watching her walk away into a world without me? Why are the days so long but the years so short? Why does being a Mommy have to be so hard?
Whew, sorry for the heavy stuff but that's what's on my heart tonight. Being a Mommy is the most rewarding, amazing, awesome thing in the world but it's the most emotional.
Time to up my Lexapro. ;)
(((Shannon))) I know exactly how you feel. I've had those moments a lot here lately. The kids are growing up way too fast. And, although I love that they're more independent, I miss my babies sometimes!
I loved how you said the days are so long and the years so short. SO true!!
Posted by: ErinW | December 10, 2009 at 10:48 PM
I know how you feel! The other day my daughter came to my bed in the middle of the night and said she needed to snuggle. I let her instead of sending her back to her room. Yes, her legs are almost as long as mine an she hogs the covers but it was worth it.
Posted by: Robbie | December 11, 2009 at 10:58 AM
*sniff* You write that emotion so well!! Thanks for reminding us to hang onto each day very tightly!!
Posted by: Diana Fisher | December 11, 2009 at 11:13 AM
Aww that is so sweet... it goes so fast!
La-
Posted by: Laurianna Murray | December 11, 2009 at 03:41 PM
I recently found some photo albums that I had put in storage a few years ago when I moved, and low and behold it was the photos from when my 8 year old was a baby... I understand completely what your saying. You want them to be independent but then you don't. You also want the baby back. I'm doing alot of things different with my 19 month old, I think it's my last so I'm trying to suck up every minute of the littleness I can. :)
Posted by: Shannon Morters | December 11, 2009 at 04:37 PM