My New Tattoo

So I've been wanting a new tattoo (on the inside of my left wrist) for a while now. At first I was wanting it to represent my anxiety and be a reminder to have no fear and stay strong. Then I got to thinking I wanted it to be more than that. I wanted something to help remind me to not only have *no fear* but to also stay strong and be courageous. I've been through alot in my life... losing a sister to cancer, my grandmother to breast cancer, being the child of a divorce, difficult relationships with family members, and other things. I wanted something to remind me to live full and free, to be strong and courageous. So I went this past Saturday night and got this...

(Excuse the crappy iPhone self-photo)

So the meanings of my tattoo...

Meaning 1 - Anxiety and Fear
I used to be strong and independent but 1o years ago this month, anxiety entered my life and has truly crippled me from being that strong and independent person I used to be. I don't know why or how it started but I had my first panic attack in a college class on the first day of the semester (9/11 happened a week or so later and my wedding was the following month). It ruined my wedding day (long story). It prevents me from traveling alone. It takes over my emotions and physical self at the slightest hint of adversity in relationships. It keeps me from watching the news and in this day of terrorism and a shaky America it's hard to not live in fear. Anytime I am sick with something and my body doesn't feel good it triggers anxiety. I am TERRIFIED of anything bad happening to or losing my husband, daughter, or mom. It is a constant gray cloud over my life. And even as I have learned to cope with the anxiety and live a truly happy life, I still live in fear of the next panic attack. Anxiety is fear and I have come to fear the anxiety itself. But I want to be free of it. I want to be strong and independent again.

So for this my tattoo represents me being free of the anxiety and fear.

Meaning 2 - Insecurity (in my Photography)
I have always loved photography. Right after Kaleigh was born I had a real desire to pursue it as a career. But I wasn't crazy about giving up my weekends and editing can be a pain. But mainly it was because I was too scared to try. Back in March of this year, I watched a photographer photograph my newborn nephew and I fell back in love with newborn photography. All of a sudden I was on fire to pursue this. It's an area of photography I absolutely LOVE. But again the fears and insecurites crept in and they still do today. But this time I'm taking that chance to pursue it. If I fail, then it's better than never trying. But what if I succeed? ;)

So for this my tattoo represents not being held back because of a fear. In this case and at this moment in time, it's my photography. But at any point in life, when fear tries to hold me back, I want to look at my tattoo and think *no fear - take flight and do it!*

Meaning 3 - Healing
Like I said earlier, I have been through some tough things in life, as I'm sure most have. I know I'm no one special and we all have our trials and tribulations. But too often, I hold onto some of the pain and anger and carry it with me and it's exhausting. No more. I'm learning to do what I can to make things right and if I can't then I can move on knowing I did what I could. No more pain, no more baggage, no more exhaustion. Life is too short.

So for this my tattoo represents letting go and being free.

So there are the meanings behind my tattoo. No more anxiety or fear, no more letting insecurities hold me back, and learning to heal, let go, and be free. I think I can live a fuller and happier life with an outlook like that. I like that. :)

Oh, and I pierced my nose too. :) I went with my friend, Stacey, to get my tattoo (she got one, too, and while her tattoo was something different it included a bird as well and she got her bird to match mine - I thought that cool, something uniting us and our friendship). Anyways, having a drink beforehand she said something about wanting her nose pierced. I've been wanting one for a while now and jumped on the chance to do it. So we did. :)

(Again excuse the crappy iPhone self-photo)
 

Thanks for stopping by!

Comments

[stacey]

a couple of crackhead hookas...i say! :D

[Shannon Bogan]

So it that our next tat??? LOL

[Jessica Barnett]

I love the tattoo and the piercing! I'm jealous because they're fab! :)

[Diana Fisher]

Great write-up about the meaning. And yes, you are someone special. At least I think you are! That's the same place (inside left arm) that I want my third tattoo. Soon, I hope. Love the nose ring, too!

[Kerri#1017]

awww wow, i need a tissue now.great write up & now u have how many tattoos lol? i have one,wanting to get 3 more...only to the fact every single one has a story behind it..i just gotta get my big girl panties on & do it. maybe saving the biggest,painfullest ( is that a word?) for last cos i'm a wuss LOL. you are totally special & don't let anyone else tell u that you aren't !!

[Marci]

You are too cute...and I love the meanings behind your tattoo! As far as your photography goes, I think you're amazing. Amazing. Don't ever think you're not. But I understand not having confidence - I rarely do with myself even when people say positive things. Go for it!!